The Problem with AA
Often when people discover for the first time that I am a recovering Alcoholic and Drug addict the first question is always, so do you go to AA meetings?
The short answer is no. Many are surprised by this and when I come across people in early stages of recovery they are often aghast. So brainwashed are they that they think I must surely bust if I don’t go to AA meetings. Well I haven’t yet and didn’t today.
When I first left rehab I did go to meetings. It was instilled into me that I needed at least three meetings a week and being determined to stay straight I did as suggested but within a few months I simply stopped as I didn’t like them. I tried a lot of different meetings in a lot of different places but found they were not adding anything to my recovery. I found most of them to very cliquey and some didn’t seem to be very welcoming to the new guy who they should have been trying to help. I even found some were prejudiced against me because I had went to rehab instead of doing it the hard way. I recall one argument I had with an old timer who was looked up to by all in the group. Rehab was for soft people he said.
Soft? Yeah de-toxing cold from alcohol and speed, without any painkillers and without some old timer to give me a drink to help me through the DDT’s was really pleasant. So was being forced to face my pain and hurt and emotions, unlike him I didn’t get to hide away from my defects for 20 years. I of the white collar world was forced to work in a piggery for 25 weeks to test my acceptance and tolerance of change. That was awesomely easy thank you very much. Needless to say I didn’t go back to that meeting again.
The problem with AA is that it never allows you to be free from your addiction. It uses fear of how bad things were to scare people into not drinking. I don’t need to go to a meeting to hear the same people tell me how bad things were for them. Honestly I don’t care I want to hear how brilliant things are now and there just isn’t enough of that in AA for me. Life is brilliant now for me. I didn't straighten up to remain miserable. If you are going to be miserable you might as well be drunk and miserable! AA has a lot of bitter drunks. Sure they don’t drink anymore but they aren’t recovering they are just the same old drunks who are even more bitter now because they can’t drink
Don’t get me wrong the twelve steps are valid, especially step four and five, as is a belief in God. They can help and AA meetings help some people and if it is working for you then please keep going. What works for me isn’t for everyone but if you find in ten years you are still going to the same meetings every week but not really doing anything different except not drinking then clearly you need to try something else. This website has a lot to offer http://www.rational.org/ and is worth a look.
Once you get used to it it really is easy not to drink or use drugs. I am always willing to talk to other addicts or people who simply want to give up their vices so feel free to send an email.
This topic really didn’t go where I wanted but I’ll post it anyway
The short answer is no. Many are surprised by this and when I come across people in early stages of recovery they are often aghast. So brainwashed are they that they think I must surely bust if I don’t go to AA meetings. Well I haven’t yet and didn’t today.
When I first left rehab I did go to meetings. It was instilled into me that I needed at least three meetings a week and being determined to stay straight I did as suggested but within a few months I simply stopped as I didn’t like them. I tried a lot of different meetings in a lot of different places but found they were not adding anything to my recovery. I found most of them to very cliquey and some didn’t seem to be very welcoming to the new guy who they should have been trying to help. I even found some were prejudiced against me because I had went to rehab instead of doing it the hard way. I recall one argument I had with an old timer who was looked up to by all in the group. Rehab was for soft people he said.
Soft? Yeah de-toxing cold from alcohol and speed, without any painkillers and without some old timer to give me a drink to help me through the DDT’s was really pleasant. So was being forced to face my pain and hurt and emotions, unlike him I didn’t get to hide away from my defects for 20 years. I of the white collar world was forced to work in a piggery for 25 weeks to test my acceptance and tolerance of change. That was awesomely easy thank you very much. Needless to say I didn’t go back to that meeting again.
The problem with AA is that it never allows you to be free from your addiction. It uses fear of how bad things were to scare people into not drinking. I don’t need to go to a meeting to hear the same people tell me how bad things were for them. Honestly I don’t care I want to hear how brilliant things are now and there just isn’t enough of that in AA for me. Life is brilliant now for me. I didn't straighten up to remain miserable. If you are going to be miserable you might as well be drunk and miserable! AA has a lot of bitter drunks. Sure they don’t drink anymore but they aren’t recovering they are just the same old drunks who are even more bitter now because they can’t drink
Don’t get me wrong the twelve steps are valid, especially step four and five, as is a belief in God. They can help and AA meetings help some people and if it is working for you then please keep going. What works for me isn’t for everyone but if you find in ten years you are still going to the same meetings every week but not really doing anything different except not drinking then clearly you need to try something else. This website has a lot to offer http://www.rational.org/ and is worth a look.
Once you get used to it it really is easy not to drink or use drugs. I am always willing to talk to other addicts or people who simply want to give up their vices so feel free to send an email.
This topic really didn’t go where I wanted but I’ll post it anyway
posted by Darren at 1:20 AM
8 Comments:
Hi
I stumbled across your blog by accident and felt compelled to leave a comment when I read this post.
I'm not an addict(recovering or otherwise) and have, very fortunately, never suffered with an addiction, but I have often wondered about the claim of the AA program to be all things to all people.
It was interesting to hear your perspective and congratulations on your successful recovery.
All the best.
Hi Darren
I'm also a sober alcoholic (I've been sober about 13 years). I have never had a drug problem. Thanks for your article. I'm an active member of an AA group (a women's group). I agree that there are many problems with the self help nature of the fellowship. The steps are great. I find my one meeting a week helps to keep me in the right frame of mind and is a time of personal reflection and a source of food for thought. We have a four weekly schedule for our meetings so that we aren't just going over the same stuff every week and not really getting anywhere. Week one is 'identification' or 'ID' (What I was like, what happened and what I'm like now), week 2 is 'Spiritual concept', week 3 is 'Steps' and week 4 'Topic' whatever is chosen by those in attendance. I believe strongly that people should be free to live their own life in their own way (provided that they aren't harming others) and I believe that AA works best when it facilitates that. Unfortunately there are forces at work that really inhibit that from happening, and I think that it's really sad. I myself have gone beyond the fear factor of having a drink, as I now prefer life without it. I also prefer to be happy. I've tried to go it alone, but I get a lot of value from my meeting. I think if I could go it alone I would but essentially I'm lucky to have found a meeting that is useful and purposeful. I wish you all the best and thanks again for publishing your comments.
AA has a very dark, little known past. Bill W was into seances, ouigie boards, and other occult things. He claimed to channel spirits. It is one of the few religions which allow a doorknob to be a god. Bill called it "spooking." Calling up spirits, and the result was AA. After finding that out, I got "spooked" and walked from the rooms. The comraderie is what I miss, but there is alot I don't. Hearing the same stories, from the same bitter people isn't one of them. I've been gone for 9 months, and not one person has asked how I am doing. You can find this information about the spooking in Bill's biography, and even in AA comes of Age. It is well documented.
Hi
I read all of your posts with interest because I have been dating a recovering alcoholic for about 3 months now who attends AA meetings 3-4 times a week. He has made it it clear to me that he is serious about our relationship and where it is going. He has also said that these meetings are going to be a part of his life forever. I am happy that he gets so much from the meetings, but I have heard and read a lot of conflicting material. I can't imagine that he would would still need to go 3 times a week 10 years from now, but am I wrong?
I agree with alot that's said here. I also go to one meeting a week...but I am ready to give up. The steps are very practical and effective..the people often are not. It is very difficult to listen to the same people week after week crying about the same problems, sitting in the same rut and going nowhere. AA has traditions which keep it from being effected by individual interpretations, and that's good. But the "only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking" is one of those traditions. Because of that minimal membership claim, the doors are wide open for all else, like people talking about whatever they want, talking as long as they want, no solid topics, continual relapses, poltics, people forming resentments over power struggles and more general negativity than one human should be required to endure for a program that should be life changing. I think it's good that someone be there for the new guy who is lost in life, but those same people who are there are the ones who make the whole experience a travisty; at least in the meetings I attend.
Going to meetings and working the 12 Steps has really helped to change my life. I try to go to meetings that explain how the 12 Steps work and how i can use them in my life. I am so pleased that i was helped by kind people who wanted to help for no motive other than to be helpful. I can understand that AA and the 12 steps isnt for everyone, no one forced me to do the steps it was just a suggestion that so far has worked.
I have just completed six months of sobriety and started by attending two meetings a day for the first 90 days..... what I have discovered in AA is the lack of allowing one's self to feel empowered over addiction... giving ones life over to the care of God is all fine and well, but we need to partner with God and need to be accountable and active in our recovery...I have a hard time believing I am powerless over anything... it is a choice I make as to what I put on my body.... and I have discovered a huge gap in the honesty of members... hear what I say, not what I do... some of the women are not only clique, but very dishonest with their judgment and very unkind....I have started to defocus my energies on AA, and to look for different ways to enrich my life...I am not into being bullied or shamed into thinking I have to accept ridiculous phrases to successfully govern and run my life......I appreciate the support in getting sober... but, at this point it has served it's purpose.... and I am tired of feeling bad about my true emotions... if you want to fully recover from alcoholism, look at the dietary and biochemical effects sugar, caffeine and nicotine have on the body...
Wow. This post is still getting replays. I checked in on this blog after my daughter asked me about it. Been busy studying and sort of just forgot about it. Still clean btw without AA. Almost 13 years now. Might have to revisit this topic.
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